ohshnikies

Lately so many thoughts have been floating through my mind...which leads to why I am so confused on how to take the next steps into the next phase of my life. Do I try to find a job, just any job? Should I try to make more of an effort and focus on finding a job with benefits? Mostly this is an issue because of the situation I am in with the amount of medications I am taking... Though should I act on my impulse to finish making and designing my website or possibly take some classes, spend time doing this so I can get a job somewhat in my field. It seems almost impossible to make a living off my dream...I want to sell prints of my fantasy art. Though I need money for supplies in actually making the artwork, plus expenses for actually rendering prints of the images and buying packaging to ship them. Also investing in commercializing myself and getting my name out there. I've been researching these things and I just don't even know where to begin. I feel like right now I don't know what to do or which direction to take to start out. I need some kind of plan or goal I guess...I've been praying about this the past couple days...am gonna try to stay positive and just try to believe in myself, my art, and that things will work out somehow, someway. Maybe it will happen, just not how I was planning? Life can surprise ya sometimes. Though right now I am hoping for a miracle. There are other things as well right now that need to be taken care of as well. One being my health where my weight is concerned and another...I so badly want to begin my life with Dennis. Just all of these things take time and patience...I've waited so long though...in a way I guess I should grateful...considering how far I've come. Life is pretty good in the scheme things...I have a wonderful family who loves, supports and takes care of me. I have a boyfriend who loves me, wants to take care of me and wants to eventually marry me. I have tons of friends who are always there for me. I've got everything a girl could want when it comes to the clothes and other girly necessities. As an artist I can afford all my supplies to create my artwork...and while having all these things...I am so lucky to even still be here on this Earth...I could so easily have been taken away years ago...but here I am, I graduated college doing what I love...I feel like I'm just beginning all over again...I still have so much to learn and experience. I am gonna decide here and now to just live for today and try not to worry so much about what the future might bring. I need to my happy peppy self. Moaning, groaning, whining and complaining never really helped anyone. I just have to believe that everything is gonna happen they way its supposed to and things will happen the way they do for a reason. My story is still unfolding...I am excited about today...but I will say I am pretty excited about tomorrow cuz its Valentine's Day and pretty much the whole day will be spent with my Denny. Can't ask for a better day than that! I can't believe what a total stupid head I am, how could I mistake the number of years me and Dennis have been together, it hasn't been 4 years it will have been 5 years this coming March 15...that in itself is amazing!!!! Loving life for sure...and I'm gonna keep believing in my dreams as well as continue working on my art portfolio!!!! <3

~ Steph